When You Feel Unloved
Recently I was blessed to visit with a friend for a few hours while our kids hung out and it was such a treasure. I especially love it when I walk away and I didn’t do all the talking - cuz I can. Give me the chance and I will, not because I don’t care what you have to say - because I absolutely do! I love when others share their life with me, especially in a way that allows me to ask questions, real questions. You know, the kind that makes us think and dig deep.
I love this because I desire a real connection. Real relationships where I can feel safe to be me and they will love me anyway. And when I can show this to others - that they can do this with me, it is the most incredible thing. God works so beautifully through these types of connections. Ok, He will work through any type of connection, there is just something extra special about these.
I have come to realize that when I don’t have this in my life with someone, I feel ‘unloved’ and I didn’t always understand that. And if I had that realness, that safety with someone and now something seems off? Or sometimes you have a relationship, even love someone deeply, but you’ve never had that safety, the same can happen but I feel like it’s worse. And oh man, my head spins. I get stuck in my head wondering what I did wrong, what I need to do better, how to fix it, and more. Does this happen to you? The healthy side of me will remind me that the Lord is good, He heals relationships, to go to Him and not to my head… to seek His truth. The messy side of me cries (not that crying is bad) and thinks of all the ways to confront the situation and wants to just crawl in the bath and watch Netflix.
I’ve been reading the book Get Out of Your Head, by Jennie Allan and it has really opened my eyes. She reminds us (the readers) repeatedly that we have a choice. We can stay stuck in our heads or we can work through the emotion, go to the Word, and then decide if we will believe God or not. That is the step I think many of us miss. We don’t have to be stuck in the downward spiral of our emotions. This past February at IF:Gathering the theme really revolved around this. We dug deep into Romans 8 and how we do can either have the spirit of the flesh or the spirit of Christ. I know that I desire the spirit of Christ - this is where my peace comes from.
In addition, I’ve been learning a lot about the Enneagram. I personally really like personality tests. Why? Well, it helps me get to know myself, how God made me, how I can grow with God, and how I can love those around me so much better. Something that has been really neat about this is that when I see something in myself or in others I can pause for a moment to try to understand. In some situations, it totally gives me a chance to pray for someone, especially when I see unhealthy things happening. This test talks about what we naturally do when in seasons of stress and in seasons of growth. I also love that they talk about how there are healthy approaches to these natural behaviors as well.
Why has this book and this personality test been helpful to me when I feel unloved?
Going to God’s word to determine His truth vs the mess in my head allows me to remember how loved I am.
By understanding how people are wired we can stop and say wait a minute, this has nothing to do with me. I wonder what is happening in their life? How can I pray for them? How can I love them?
Friends, it sucks to hurt. It sucks to feel unloved. I want you to know that you are loved. You are loved so much more than you know.
Want to check out the book? Here’s a link to grab it off Amazon:
*disclosure - I may get a small commission when you purchase via the link at no extra cost to you.*
Want to learn more about the Enneagram?
It’s best to read the type descriptions and find what you resonate with - it’s about your motivation BUT you can take a free test here: Enneagram Coach
Also, I suggest listening to the EnneaSummer2020 series on the That Sounds Fun Podcast by Annie F Downes.
Get Out of Your Head
Equal drops of each
Believe
Sacred Mountain
Cedarwood
Northern Lights Black Spruce
Clarity
Grounding
Vetiver
Top off with your favorite carrier oil - mine is fractionated coconut oil
Lightly shake before use and roll onto your wrists and neck daily or as needed.
I Am Loved
Equal drops of each
Joy
Ylang Ylang
Orange
Acceptance
White Angelica
Valor
Palo Santo
Top off with your favorite carrier oil.
Lightly shake before use and roll onto your wrists and neck daily or as needed.